The best letter ever.

Dear Melissa,

In 2008, while I was 6 months pregnant and missing my deployed husband, you and I got into an altercation that started when you asked me not to mail things to your children. *rolleyes* In that conversation, you called me a fat-ass.

Thank you, Melissa. While I don't think it was nice to call a pregnant woman, fat... I am very grateful you did. I look and feel better than ever and it was your comment that pushed me to go for my potential. And what potential it is, indeed.

As a victim of one of your many bitter tirades, I think you should know that Regardless of what you deal with on a personal, day-to-day you really should treat people better and not be so hateful.

Here's to you, anyway! I wouldn't be here without you.

BFF,
Maegan

P.S. It really is a shame you can not bring yourself to talk to me or even acknowledge my presence... I am not too shabby to be around.

Pound it.

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I appreciate Target's efforts

I never realized how nice it is that I don't have to avoid eye contact with soliciters when I walk into Target. It is just plain awkward for me. It's particularly nice when you get home and realize your husband has given some photographer guy $10 after being approached at the entrance of our local grocery. It just makes me angry, really.

Whether it's someone selling a photo session, cookies or just raising money (and yes, even for our troops) ... I'm just as bothered by that as I am by being approached by a homeless man while loading groceries into my car. I know Target has caught a lot of grief for not allowing people to solicit but as a customer who spends way too much money every.single.time. I go in there, I appreciate the efforts made to give me a comfortable entrance and exit.

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What a HOOT!

Jaxon was the focus of Fountain's First Annual Oktoberfest with the roasted corn that was half his size. He was so excited to eat it!

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January, really?!

i just commented on my sister's blog which meant that i had to log into my blogspot account. i discovered i haven't been on since january. wow.

let's see. jaxon is getting smarter and more ornery every day. i really hate to see how the terrible twos and threes are going to be. however, it's all worth it when he's in a lovey-dovey mood. he gets his blanket and crawls up in my lap, i might even get a hug. he's an awesome kid when he's not pulling my hair.

ron's military career is coming to an end so by next summer we could be opening a new chapter in our life. i'm extremely thankful he's not going to afghanistan but he's very disappointed and eager to move on from it. we're not sure of what the next chapter will bring and this may sound insane but i want to live outside of the US for a while. :/ i don't know when but at some point, it will happen.

i'm still hacking away at school... still not too sure where that's taking me but i'm going to find my way. :D

I have a confession...

I don't want to be a nurse.

I chose a Nursing major because it is the least amount of school for the most amount of money but I don't want to be a nurse.

I want to work with animals. However... typically, that is not where the money is.

Ugh. I've already spent a lot of money in tuition and books this semester. I guess the good thing is that I'm not actually in the Nursing program yet...

Back to School!

I had my new tennis shoes, cute outfit and perfect hair all put together...

Okay, not really.

It's not the same as when I was in 9th grade and so excited about the first day of school. I didn't even wear makeup today!

Somehow becoming a mother automatically puts your priorities into order. My alarm didn't go off so in order to get Jaxon up and ready in time, I traded makeup for clean hair. I'm okay with that. Perhaps if I looked like an ogre, I would not have made that trade off but since I'm halfway okay with the way my makeup-less face looks... it was a good decision. Besides that, I sat in the front of the class so the teacher was the only person who could see my face. I would have been full of regret if I would have left the dirty hair in lieu of a made up face. I certainly don't want anyone to go home and talk about 'the girl with the disgusting hair' over dinner tonight.

Any way, thankfully that was the biggest decision I had to make today. I hate making decisions.

I hope everyone had an okay Wednesday! I go to Biology tomorrow afternoon. Wish me luck!

The horrible, awful and terrible teenage years.

If you would have asked me about 10 years ago, I would have told you that I KNOW for a fact that I have the worst life. Ever.

I hated my life. I was wallowing in my own sorrow for years! I was convinced that my mother had ruined me by making me move away from my life in Blytheville, AR. That is, until I grew up. I will be the first to tell you that getting away from that cesspool was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. There is no telling where I would be right now if I would have stayed in that place.

Any way, I was going through an old box last night. I was looking for pictures of my friends and I to post on Facebook and have a good giggle about how much fun we used to have.

I found something much more worth while.

While wallowing, I had all of these people around me that really loved me. Loved me! I was so completely blinded by my hatred for the situation that I completely lost touch with those that love me!

I kept all of my Birthday cards from my Sixteenth and Seventeenth birthday... which is really weird because I NEVER keep cards. I used to think they were a waste of space. They're not.

Here are my cards..in no particular order.

The card from my sister, Sheriece:

"May the joy you experience on your birthday last longer than the aroma of one of your farts." Inside - " ...and that's a long time. Have a happy one! (Birthday, that is)"

This is what she had to say:

Ha Ha! This card made me think of you! I hope you have a fabulous birthday, turning the big 1-7! I hope school is great. I also hope you know that your big sis loves and misses you. I can't wait to see you in November! It really is weird to think that this is the beginning. When I'm home, I'll be there to visit! Maybe you could come out here and visit me sometime! That would be a lot of fun. Any way, have a great birthday!"

My sister loves me.

A card from Mr and Mrs. Beasley. It was a simple card that just wished me a happy birthday. I can't say that they loved me, they hardly knew me but at least they took the time to send some wishes!

They cared enough to do it.

There is one from my mom. It's a sweet 16 card, again something simple. The most profound part of the card is when mom tells me she loves me when signing her name, "mom". Even though I didn't feel it back then, I know she means it and would do anything she can for me.

Rick wrote in the card, " Most special of all Birthdays, Love Rick" --- I don't know what to say about it except that I think he wanted to care and that's enough for me. I will get no other closure from him so I will just leave it at this, I think he did care but didn't know how to show it... so it was easier not to show it.

I have an envelope from my Great-Grandma Hammons. It is such a bummer that I don't know where the card is but I have no doubt that it was filled with as much love as a Grandmother can send through the mail.

From what I remember, She was love.

I have a card from a number of people that I have no idea who is who. The names don't ring a bell at all. But they did take the time to give me a Birthday card. They didn't love me but they cared wnough to wish me a well birthday!

I also have a number of cards from good friends. They all say the same thing. "I'm so glad we became friends." "You're so fun and amazing." - stuff like that. It was good to read. I need to look these people up that I had such amazing friendships with and rekindle them. My friends really love me.

Along with the cards, I found a newspaper article that my Grandma Martha had sent me. She was aware of my distaste for life at that moment. I think I've always been pretty open with her as far as my trials and tribulations. Any way, she sent me an article about the hardships of Sela Ward's life. She highlighted this "During this period of rejection, Ward found strength by remembering her mother's stalwartness. "Because she has grown up in the Depression, she had an inner resolve. When I'd been so sad in High School, she'd tell me, 'Don't wallow in your problems. Just pick yourself up and get on with it.'

I remember reading this and thinking that I wanted to 'get on with it.' I just didn't know how. I didn't know what that really meant but it sounded good! Grandma loves and cares enough for me, and the rest of the family, that she sees one simple phrase in an article and makes sure to share. She truly loves me, too.

I guess my point in sharing is that I hope to live my life in that day, every day. I hope to not focus on the negative sooo much that I miss the positive. It kind of hit me hard last night when stumbling upon these cards. I missed so much love and caring because I was dwelling in the unimportant stuff.

I hope every one has a wonderful weekend and I hope you all are able to sift through the bad things to get a good glimpse of the good... because the good is so worth the bad.

The End of 2009.

You can't tell from the picture but life, really is, good. HAHA. A lot has happened this year, it has been a great 2009 for us.

Can you believe that Ron has been home for 9 months?!?!?!?!? It's been so good having him here. I don't know how many times I told him how happy I was to have him home this year, since last year was spent in Iraq. Even though I was fortunate enough to be able to go home to Memphis for the Holidays last year, it was awful not being able to be with Ron...there was definitely an absence. Especially since Jaxon came along! So knowing what Christmas is like with him gone, I don't want to do it again...but we will have no choice when next summer rolls around. Trashcanistan will be calling his name.

I finished my "first" semester with a 3.0! As embarrassing as it is to admit, it is not my first semester of college but it is my first semester that I have taken seriously...so I'm going to roll with it! I am now enrolled for 14 more hours starting January 20th. I'm really excited. It doesn't look like I am going to make the deadline for the 2010 Nursing school start but I will for sure make the 2011. School will be a nice distraction for the next deployment.

Let's see...what else. Jaxon now says "Look at that!" I'm guessing that's all I said to him at Disney World because he says it...and knows how to use it. He points and everything, it truly is darling. He's such an amazing kid. He has figured out how to go down the stairs within the past couple of days as well. As amazing as he is, he is as much of a handful. I guess that's how kids make parenting worth it, huh?

And wow, 2010. Really?! It was 10 years ago that I remember wondering if the Y2K thing was really as bad as they were saying...obviously it wasn't. It is funny how people like to start, spread and believe hype like that.

Oh yea and I just wanted to say...it was 13 years ago today that my grandpa passed away. I miss him and I just know he is out there, he is sitting at his Mac computer reading this right now. I love you, grandpa.

Ironic?

When we moved into our current home, I wrote on my facebook about our neighbors who called the Homeowner's Association about us not picking up our dog's waste. Remember? Good.

Well, a few weeks ago, we were lying in bed and because I am a warm person, I always sleep with the window open. All of a sudden, we hear this blood hurdling scream and then some crying and yelling afterward. Ron, being the natural protector that he is, recognized that it was a woman in distress and went to check it out. Ironically enough, it was the wife of the couple who are the ones who called the HOA on us. Apparently, her husband was at NTC, a month long training in California and she was taking her two big dogs out. I guess her dogs saw something and jetted off, pulling her off of her porch. Ron went outside to check things out. He checked her ankle and then went to find her dogs.

Fast forward to tonight...we hear the doorbell. We look at each other knowing that neither of us had invited anyone over. So Ron gets up and answers the door. It was our neighbors. THEY WERE COMING OVER TO THANK RON FOR HELPING HER!!! We were both shocked. They brought us a bottle of wine to compliment our Turkey dinner for tomorrow. I thought this was the sweetest thing ever. Neither of us ever gave a second thought to it. She ended up breaking her ankle which is awful BUT we ended up breaking the ice with them and finding out they are actually SUPER nice.

Isn't it weird how stuff works out? I have a feeling that there will be no more moments when we're caught outside together in a terribly awkward silence.

Anywho, just had to update...even with something silly! I hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving! Love you!

P.S. Here are some bonus pictures of the Jaxon. He's soooo amazing. I can't wait for my family to spend time with him in Florida. It will only take a minute for everyone to understand the gravity of how amazing he is. Okay, maybe that's just my "mom" coming out but really, he will win everyone over. Oops, there it goes again...I just can't control it.

I Love This time of year

I just really love this time of year.

That's all.

Have you ever had an "aha" moment?

About an hour ago, I came up with this urge to find SOMETHING to bring in some extra income and it hit me! I can be a dog / house sitter!

I hired a lady to come in and Take care of Carson and Camille while I went to Memphis for 10 days and do you know how much money she made off of me? Um.....$500....I could so do that! It's a job that Jaxon can tag a long to and I love animals!!!

So, I've ordered business cards, made fliers and even a website...check it out!!

http://www.easycarepetcare.webs.com/

If there are any grammar freaks out there reading this, please let me know if something needs to be corrected.

I'm really excited! I plan on going around to vet offices and Pet stores, I'm putting an ad in the newspaper...I'm going all out. Maybe I should be doing business management in school...

So School....

Yea, where to start.

Hmmmm...

It's going pretty good. A few posts ago, I was really stressing about time management but it seems like within the past week, I've gotten into a routine. I think that because I was stressing about it, I was probably making it worse. I'm doing good in school. A downfall I have is procrastination. MAN do I ever put things off! The good thing is that I good at getting things done right before they're due! Everything always gets done!

I know it's late for school now. I'm 25, got my GED when I was 18, I'm a mother, I'm a wife but I'm a lucky wife. Ron is so supportive of my schooling. He will even help me in the dreaded labs that I have to do for Biology. They're very time consuming, almost an all day thing. I am taking Biology online so I got this huge lab kit that allows us to play scientist in the kitchen. When we do these experiments, our kitchen looks awful!

I've had so much inspiration about going to school. I have made many excuses over the last 3 years of why I couldn't do this but I look around me who have done it!! My mom got a degree while being a single mother to my brother, sister and I! My brother in law, Jerad graduated last year. He is married with 3 kids! My Aunt Nikki had her son, Nick, when she was in college and she still got her degree! Ya gotta love it! They're SuperWomen!!!!

It feels good to be doing something that will make our lives better.

For those that knew Taylor as a toddler...

Do these pictures of Jaxon not bring back some memories of Taylor at that age?

I could be just me but when I saw these pictures, I was like "Whoa!"...From the pictures I've seen of Taylor as a toddler, Jaxon reminds me so much of him when he makes these faces. Specifically the first one.

Busy days

Our lives have been so hectic lately. Between Ron working, my school and keeping Jaxon on a schedule...it's all become a lot. I never imagined myself having to squeeze in grocery shopping. :)

School is going well. This past week, I can tell that I am getting burned out. My goal this week is just to get everything done so I can have the weekend free with the family. I made the mistake of procrastinating this past week and instead of having a nice family weekend, my head was in a book or int he computer trying to get everything done. The good news is that I did get everything done and It appears that I am doing well in my classes.

Jaxon is so big. Within the past week, he has become a complete momma's boy. I don't mind, that kid is MINE. ;)

He saw Ron and I kiss each other goodnight one evening on my way to school and after I left, Jaxon was all over Ron wanting kisses. He loves giving kisses but he will sure make you work for them. He doesn't just hand them out to anyone. I hope that's the way it's going to be when get to be a teenager.

A lesson I have learned this week is that just as much damage can be done at a Gap outlet as just a regular Gap. You might get good prices for being "Gap" but damage can still be done. I can't help but love the outlet stores.

Well, I'm off to change a dirty butt....man, I am ready to get passed this diaper stage. EW.

Dear Jaxon Maddox,

You came into my life at the perfect moment. Your dad and I found out that we were pregnant with you about 2 weeks before your dad deployed to Iraq. I'm sure you will find out all about that history in school. Everyday that your dad was gone, I was content knowing that I had a part of him with me at every moment. You kept me going everyday. This deployment was spent looking forward to my OB appointments and ultrasounds. Thankfully, technology is at a place today that made it possible for me to share EVERYTHING with your dad. I took pictures of EVERY piece of clothing, toy and furniture thing possible and sent them to your dad.

The day you were born was one of the most special days I have ever experienced. The moment I met you, I forgot what it was like before I had you. Your Aunt Sheriecey was there with me the whole time. Your dad got to meet you on the 3rd day of your life. He told me it was one of the best days of his life. It was quite a reunion.

So after you were born and your dad went back to Iraq, it was just you and I for 4 and a half months. We did everything together. I had my camera out at every moment and our lives revolved around sharing you with your father over the computer. He got so many pictures and videos. He says it was what got him through the deployment, coming home to you and I.

You have grown into such an independent and head strong little man. You have filled my days with joy (and frustration, mostly joy) and I could not be a happier mother. You love your mama and I hope that I can show all of my letters and videos to you one day when you tell me you hate me.

We will soon face another deployment and while it was be a hectic time with daddy gone and mommy in school, one day you benefit so much from our sacrifices. I will make that promise to you.

I hope you turn out to be a kind person. There is so much hate in this world and I want you to be one of the ones that make a difference. I will do my best to give you the tools you need to become that great person.

Love,

Mom

Oh and P.S. - Here is yet ANOTHER video I put together for you. It's only because I love you so much. I'm going to predict that I am going to be the embarrassing mom at your school.

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

"The Controversial Hair"

Okay so I got my hair did yesterday and I was originally just going to get my hair trimmed and my eyebrows waxed....Well as soon as I met my stylist, April Rose....I said, "I want you hair, do that for me" We were both so excited because she does her own hair like this but never has been asked by a client to do it.

Well, I get home and Ron was like "Are you serious? and Is this for Halloween?" I said nope, it's permanent. Then he proceeded to ask me what I was thinking. My feelings were hurt all night. However, I did give him my answer...I'm young and in college, why can't I have funky hair? When I start my professional career, I won't be able to do this kind of stuff? So for right now, why not? It's just fun and I want to get it out of my system.

Sorry, my hair wasn't fixed....looking like a dirty pirate hooker.




By the end of the night, he said it was growing on him. He could have just lied to me and told me he loved it and it was have been dropped. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.

Something nice....

I will never look at a deck of cards the same again. Will you?




Here is a new way to look at a deck of cards!!

It was quiet that day, the guns and the mortars, and land mines for some reason hadn't been heard.

The young soldier knew it was Sunday, the holiest day of the week.

As he was sitting there, he got out an old deck of cards and laid them out across his bunk.

Just then an army sergeant came in and said, 'Why aren't you with the rest of the platoon?'

The soldier replied, 'I thought I would stay behind and spend some time with the Lord.'

The sergeant said, 'Looks to me like you're going to play cards.'

The soldier said, 'No, sir. You see, since we are not allowed to have Bibles or other spiritual books in this country,

I've decided to talk to the Lord by studying this deck of cards.'

The sergeant asked in disbelief, 'How will you do that?'
'You see the Ace, Sergeant? It reminds me that there is only one God.

The Two represents the two parts of the Bible, Old and New Testaments

The Three represents the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost.

The Four stands for the Four Gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
The Five is for the five virgins there were ten but only five of them were glorified.

The Six is for the six days it took God to create the Heavens and Earth.

The Seven is for the day God rested after making His Creation.

The Eight is for the family of Noah and his wife, their three sons and their wives -- the eight people God spared from the flood that destroyed the Earth.

The Nine is for the lepers that Jesus cleansed of leprosy He cleansed ten, but nine never thanked Him.

The Ten represents the Ten Commandments that God handed down to Moses on tablets made of stone.

The Jack is a reminder of Satan, one of God's first angels, but he got kicked out of heaven for his sly and wicked ways and is now the joker of eternal hell.

The Queen stands for the Virgin Mary.

The King stands for Jesus, for he is the King of all kings.

When I count the dots on all the cards, I come up with 365 total, one for every day of the year.

There are a total of 52 cards in a deck; each is a week - 52 weeks in a year.

The four suits represent the four seasons: Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter.

Each suit has thirteen cards -- there are exactly thirteen weeks in a quarter.

So when I want to talk to God and thank Him, I just pull out this old deck of cards and they remind me of all that I have to be thankful for.'

The sergeant just stood there. After a minute, with tears in his eyes and pain in his heart, he said, 'Soldier, can I borrow that deck of cards?'

Please let this be a reminder and take time to pray for all of our soldiers who are being sent away, putting their lives on the line fighting

Prayer for the Military.

Please keep the wheel rolling.. It will only take a few seconds of your time, but it'll be worth it to read on....

Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands.

Protect them.

Bless them and their families

Feeling overwhlemed and just bad...

So I am sitting here watching Jaxon playing contently by himself while I am typing this. This is usually how it is while I am doing homework. Since I am taking 13 hours, there is soooooo much homework. I feel like I am neglecting him. He needs his mom, he needs the stimulation but if it's not homework, it's housework or feeding him lunch and snacks.

I got a good cry out about it last night. I just feel torn, I am meeting all of his basic needs but I feel like that is all I am doing....that is how much homework I have. Maybe taking a full load wasn't a good idea BUT it has helped because we have gotten more money because of it so that is why I did it. I keep trying to tell myself that this is so temporary and that our family will benefit so much from it when I do finish. I want to put the time into my school because I don't want to just do mediocre. I want to do good and so far I have done very well. I feel like I won't do as well if I stop putting so much time into homework.

It's breakfast, playtime, nap and homework, lunch, playtime, snack, nap and homework...it just seems so monotonous and overwhelming. Not to mention keeping up with the housework in between all of that. I mean, is this normal for people who are going to school full-time with children to feel this way?

Sorry for the downer post, I just need some uplifting comments to make me feel better...sincere ones, of course. I hope all of this is worth it and that I'm not damaging my son since he is at such an impressionable age.

Some potentially GREAT news...

So I was talking to my Uncle Dan on Facebook last night and he found out that Ron has an extensive background in Law Enforcement and Military. My Uncle Dan is a retired officer with 30 years under his belt so he still knows a lot of people that he could call. Well, he said he would be able to make a few calls get him a interview!!

We still have about 3 years in and we have been toiling with what we wanted to do when he gets out...this may just be the answer.

Ron is such a devoted soldier and is good at what he does. He always has been. When he was working for the Sheriff's department in Memphis, he was great at that and he loved what he did!

So we are really excited about this prospect and if everything works out, I will be a Utahan again.

In case Uncle Dan reads this, Thank you so much for this. Your efforts do mean the world to us.